Friday, March 20, 2009

shitmood

all i did was post my thoughts and i got dragged in. thanks for raking up the goddamn past.

there's a reason why it's called the PAST and there's a damn good reason why there are phrases that go, "you can't turn back time", "the past is over", and "let bygones be bygones".

Past [past, pahst/pæst, pɑst]
-adjective
gone by or elapsed in time
-noun
the history of a person, nation, etc.

History [his-tuh-ree, his-tree/ˈhɪstəri, ˈhɪstri]
-noun
the aggregate of past events

i know. i do know. i'm oblivious but i observe. you didn't have to state it.

i don't give a fuck what you do. but once you drag me, i can't sit down and do nothing. i'm nice. i tolerate. but i'm not a saint, whatmore God. my patience has its limits, and it's already thinning by so much. don't scrape anymore of my patience, please. i don't want to blow my fuse coz i know i'll regret it when it's already too late.

arhh fuck. i'm doing what i told myself i wouldn't after that volleyball tournament incident. fuckfuckfuckfuck
_________________________________________________________

aiyaa.. i update almost everyday also kena nag, ask me to update.. haiyoo.. you want me to update every hour, is it..?

1500hrs: left house
1600hrs: on the way to school
1700hrs: reached school, opened room, started cataloguing
1800hrs: complained about being hungry, continued cataloguing
1900hrs: went for dinner, talked and laughed
2000hrs: continued cataloguing

WHAT. THE. FUCK.? boring like fuck, can?? hahaha.. GO LIBRARY AND BORROW A BOOK OR SOMETHING, LARHH!!! every 5 minutes, sia, you check my blog.. ok. that's an exaggeration.. but still.. you can still ask me on MSN how my life went, you know.. that's the beauty of limitless wireless access, and Instant Messaging. you can your answers... INSTANTLY -.-'

woman... you seriously need a goddamn life. even i who has none actually am doing something instead of complaining that noone updates their blogs. wtf larh.. go find yourself a boyfriend.

i got told that by my teacher, when i told her i missed her.. -.-'

Me: CHERRRR!!! I MISS YOU!!! =D
teacher: go get a boyfriend

UWAHH!! saddening larh seyhs.! Adib Salji's favourite teacher just asked me to get a boyfriend. boohoo.. hahaha..

BOY-HUNTING WITH ZIZI SOON!! date me, woman!
kala-ok session with Shila and Myra and whoever else on Monday. HOPEFULLY can go =D

and more cataloguing tomorrow onwards. ahh.. well, i'm not complaining. no matter how irritating and difficult it is, ironically, it soothes me and calms me down. at least, i'll be alone, and away from.. things..
_________________________________________________________

and i can never please you, can i? whatever i do seems wrong.. you keep saying i don't do my work properly, and that i'm NEVER doing my work.. FUCK..YOUR..ASS..UPSIDE-DOWN
i do MY work AND i do YOUR CHILD's work and i still am labeled as 'lazy'
i DON'T go anywhere EXCEPT school and you're angry at me for always going home late. i DO have my reasons, dammit. it's not like i go home late for the fun of it. it's not like i stay over at someone's place. YOUR CHILD does that. NOT me.
I TELL YOU WHERE I'M GOING AND I GET SHIT. YOUR CHILD DOESN'T EVEN TELL AND YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
i wear SCHOOL T-SHIRT AND JEANS and you doubt that i am going to school. i wonder what will happen once i take everything off. i start wearing spaghetti-strap or even strapless, and i wear fucking short shorts or skirts.

WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! WHY IS IT THAT I'M TRYING SO FUCKING HARD AND YOU JUST DON'T FUCKING GET IT NOR DO YOU EVEN GIVE A FUCK?!

i COOK for you. i CLEAN for you. i do YOUR work and MINE. it's not like i WANT those jobs. YOU forced it on me.
YOUR GODDAMN CHILD FUCKING CRIED FOR MY JOB AND NOW SHE'S DOING NOTHING AND YOU DON'T EVEN SAY ANYTHING.

seriously. how much longer do you think i can take? it's just unfair.
why are you treating me this way?
BECAUSE I'M THE ELDEST DAUGHTER.

fuck your system. i just don't get it. i have my limits, too, you know. don't just think about yourselves, please. why is everything on me.? you have 4 kids. why am I getting all your shit?

that and this and that and this.. God forbid i might just commit suicide one fine day.

Ya Allah,
Kau yang Maha Esa, Maha Kuasa, Maha Pengampun
ampunilah segala dosa-dosaku, Ya Allah
tolonglah hambaMu ini, Ya Allah.
ringankanlah bebanku walau sedikit mana pun.
tidak sanggup aku pikul semuanya.
berilahku petunjuk
berilahku kekuatan dan semangat untuk jalani liku-like kehidupan yang telah Kau tetapkan buatku.
Amin

May i have the strength to continue this fight. i hope there's someone out there listening to my cries. i hope there's someone out there i can hold on to. my pillar is on the verge of crumbling totally, and noone is here.

love,
EFJ

♥;*~♪~*;♥
1:27 am