Friday, February 27, 2009

*sighs*

these creatures we all refer to as 'parents' are such funny little creations, aren't they..?

they expect you to listen to them, yet whatever you say go on deaf ears.. well, some are luckier than others, i guess.. i'm a part of the latter, though.

i mean, yeaa.. some experience unluckier fate than me, with much less freedom, ya-dah ya-dah.. but still, you have to applaud me for having survived this long. 18 years (1 month 13 days).

haahh.. tis'sokay. i have survived this long, i can hold on a little longer. =) i'll just ignore whatever it is that they say, and just carry on with my life. ^.^

it totally sucks when they're biased against you and expect so much out of you coz you the eldest/girl/etc. i mean. you're already trying your fuckin' best.. whatmore do they want..? geeez..

most famous tagline.. "Kakak. Kakak da tak skola, boleh cuci pinggan mangkuk more than once a day, tak.."

even more famous: "Kalau dah kene pukul macam kerbau, macam babi baru nak menyesal, kan, baru nak buat keje."

some of the most-liked names: "pompuan tepi jalan, pompuan sundal."

lines that usually follow: "kau tau nak merayap, aje. aku klua carik duit. kau klua carik jantan. jangan sampai aku dapat tau kau klua dengan mane2 jantan, siap kau."

and sometimes, when just nagging, and not exactly pissed, "Kakak da besar, eh. You'd better take care of yourself. jangan sampai _____ dapat tau Kakak pegi mane2 ke, buat keje tak senonoh, ke..(or something along that line)"

and usually, a few minutes/hours/days after, if i don't follow orders, "Kau ingat kau da besar, ehh?! tak payah dengar cakap?! kalau kau ingat kau dah besar, kau boleh brambos dari rumah ni."

and most recently: "Keje Kakak sekarang include masak, ehh.. ____ cume masak during weekends. Kalau ____ tau abang adek kau tak makan,..."

HAHAHA! sometimes i just don't get the irony this world presents to me.. *sighs* do excuse my vulgarities sometimes. ^.^ even he, who disallows me to use vulgarities use them sometimes.. haha. to hell with 'you're a girl, he's a guy' crap.. what is with all these genderism in the world?! how do kids not grow up to be sexist creatures?? if you want to disallow one, you should disallow both, don't you..? don't model sexist characteristic and personality if you don't want them to follow. =)

and uhh.. yeaa.. i think that's all.. ouhh.. i saw a very pretty rainbow. =D like.. two days ago.. haha. the last time i saw a rainbow was like.. a decade(+2) ago.. but this was one of the clearest and prettiest i've seen thus far.. i guess it's true.. after heavy rain always comes pretty rainbow. =) i hope it goes the same for life.. =D

quote of the day: people come and go in life. some stay long enough to be called 'friends'. good/close friends stay longer. but only true friends overcome the test of time.

so bitch.. chill, kays.. these are just parts and parcels of life.. they come, they go. you think you're the best of friends, yet you're excluded. don't regard yourselves as best friends till you've stood the test of time and all other boundaries and obstacles. even then, people only call themselves close friends.. so.. no use ranting and then privating your blog. the best thing is to rant about them without mentioning them. if they terase, it's their problem. HAHAHAH!! learn from the no.1 bitch, yeaa. =DD peaceout.


p.s. you scold me for wasting your SMSes. yet you are doing so. what kind of crap are you doing.? you insult me, and say all those things, yet you didn't include the answer i needed.



GAHH!! i hate the way you make me feel. at times i smile coz you can be so sweet yet so idiotic.. but mostly, you make me want to vent everything out on you because of your idiotic personality. i hate you. i hate that you entered my life. i hate that you're hot then cold. i hate that you frustrate me yet cheer me up. i hate that you make me smile and cry. i hate that you're so confusing. i HATE you!!!! ARGH!!!

Hate That I Love You by Rihanna and i forgot who.. hahh.. what a coincidence.. the irony.. just as i'm typing this.. the song came out.


love,
EFJ

♥;*~♪~*;♥
1:32 am



Tuesday, February 24, 2009

i think my life purpose is to be everyone's punching bag. i'm not hit physically.. just mentally, emotionally, and psychologically.

when you are depressed, or stressed, or lonely, or in need of help, or just someone, you find me. when you are not, you throw me one side. when you have no friends, you find me, you get close to me, you become my 'best friend'. when you have friends, you don't even talk to me. when i talk to you nicely, you give me that fucked-up tone.

when you're frustrated, you vent it out on me. everything i do suddenly seems wrong. you become so sarcastic, so hurtful. you start to state my flaws in a hateful and disgusted tone.

when you need help, i help, even when you don't ask. when i do, you come up with stupid excuses, beat around the bush, twist your words, and even lie to me.

when you need someone, i'm always there. i stop everything, even if i was studying for my test/quiz/exam, for you, even if we're not close. i put whatever i'm doing aside, even if it was my assignment, due in a few hours. and put you first. but when it's me, it seems that you're always busy, or don't have the time.

i'm not expecting sympathy nor empathy. i'm not asking for apologies. i just want to be treated fairly. is this justice? to hell with all that 'life is unfair' fuck.

life IS fair, in case you didn't notice. it's people that make it unfair.

i treat you nicely, and you give me fuck. no matter how busy i am, i try to make time for you. no matter how packed i am, i try to help whenever possible. no matter how tight my schedule is, i try to listen to you. and what do i get? a whole lot of fuck.


you twist your words and lie to me. and i forgive you. and you do it again. and the cycle continues. you ask me to help you. but what are you doing?

yes. i'm a sensitive, fucked-up jealous bitch. i'm jealous of people who actually have friends who don't give them crap and people they can actually talk to about whatever. while i. i have only people who come find me for help and then run away.

so my sole purpose in life is to be everyone's servant. going wherever doing whatever for you, while you sit there, shake your legs and laugh at me. gee. whatever.

arhh.. fuckit. i'm too nice already. and it'll probably go on till forever. trusting everyone i come into contact with, and giving them every chance to lie to me. that's life.

if i become cold, everyone'll hate me. argh. we can never please everyone in life, can we?

ok. that's all. bye.


p.s. ECOLOGICAL VIEW and PERCEPTUAL-MOTOR coupling are like the MOON and the SUN!!!!!!!!!!!!! it took you THIS long to figure out?! how dumb can you be??? omg!! 3 marks, lehh!! 3 fucking marks, Faiezah!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!! *sighs*


love,
EFJ

♥;*~♪~*;♥
2:57 am



Friday, February 20, 2009

grawrs

yesyesyes. so much for a few weeks. =.= shuttupp..

16 hours and 1 chapter to go. yayy me. -.-'

Moral Development. 2 stages for Piaget and 6 for Kohlberg.. need i memorise all?! gahh!!

ouhh ouhh ouhh.. i gave up on Intelligence yesterday.. like.. uhh.. goo.. me..? rawrs. SO MANY!!! like.. tests. theorists.

Sternberg's Triarchic Theory of Intelligence?! Howard Gardner's Theory of Multiple Intelligences?! Stanford Binet and Theophile Simon - the first intelligence test was based on the works of these two. measurement of intelligence. Standard Intelligence Test. Stanford-Binet Intelligence Test. Standardised Intelligence Test. Wechsler Scales. Infants Intelligence Test. Intelligence Quotient. Mental Age - maturity?. Chronological Age - actual age.

IQ = [ MA / CA ] * 100

need i really study all these?! rawrs.

highly doubt i'll sleep tonight.. i can't or i'll wake up at 12 when my paper ends at 11. -.-'

9AM LEYH!! THE PAPER!! grawrss..


then i have to go SSW. their 4th year anniversary. -.-' so they made games. haha. okok. whatever..

i wanna go outt.. i wannago lepak with orangs. =D

ohhohhohh.. i like. =)) you know i know they don't know.. =DD heehee. i loike. =P okok. stoppit, seyhs. miang ehh, Faiezah.. =DD but cannot helppit larhh.. haha. he's not even cute lorhs. please. and he's so uber lame and so irritating. but i don't know why he makes me smile.. =(= gahh!! i'm not supposed to like you!! rawrs.. hahaha. ok. whatever. he makes me smile. =))
DON'T YOU EVER DARE MENTION HIS NAME, EHH!! I SHALL FIND YOU AND I SHALL SKIN YOU THEN I SHALL KILL YOU. NOT EVEN THE FIRST LETTER!! rawrs.


SHIIILAAAA!!! NAAAAJIAAAANN!!! =(( hahaha. ok. whatever.

after tomorrow, i'm free!!! working on Mondays and Tuesdays and nothing else to do. HOPEFULLY i can go back and help out.. whooosh!! IWANNAGOOUT!!! pleasepleaseprettypleasewithamangosliceandcherryontopplease????? *sweet smile and pleading eyes*

CONCERT's NEXT WEEK, BAYBEH!! JIAYOU PEOPLE! =DD

hahaha. ok. i really should get back to my studying. *sighs*



love,
EFJ

♥;*~♪~*;♥
8:29 pm



Thursday, February 19, 2009

UPDATES!!!!

like.. whatever, ok.. i have a paper in 2 days and i'm updating. be thankful, btch. and stop pestering me. this post shall be the most recent post for about.. a few weeks, i predict. unless something super duper interesting happens and i'm not too lazy to blog it down. =D


ok.. uhh..

11th January 2009
pre-concert was uhh.. ok, i guess..? not many could make it on time, so they went to the hall on their own. like whatever. then uhh.. rehearsals, sound checks.. dinner was.. uhh.. no comments.. camwhoring sessions.. ya-dah ya-dah ya-dah. basically, pre-concert was ok.

concert. interval. wanted to meet my juniors and my friend. but couldn't find them. and since my phone was spoilt, couldn't contact them.. =(( but overall, the concert was ok for me. i'm proud of myself. i managed to play all the pieces without much worry.... ............................... bull. Silverado was fun. honestly. i've never felt so excited playing running notes before.. the other pieces were ok.. i managed to scrape through and all.. with 2 pros covering me. =D =P uhh.. ok.. i seriously have to buck up. no more people to help cover me. now i have to cover people. and i can't think only about myself. hafta think about other people. the smaller group and bigger group both. 4 people left. all having their own commitments.. uhh.. i seriously have no idea how we'll cope. jiayou, people! =D hmm...

post concert was fking awesome. =D seriously. handed out certificates to graduating members. and gave out roses and brownies to our own section. Ansar gave me one!! advanced birthday present. hehe. IT'S NICE!!! =D met my juniors and they gave me roses. whee! =D first time i got anything for concert. haha. well, it was 2 people. but still.. and the roses BLOOMED!!! =DD super effing nice! especially the maroon Haikal gave me. haha. Azri told me his juniors wanted to see me.. but he couldn't find nor contact me.. said they wanted to take picture wimme.. AWWW!!! =((((((((((( SORRY... ='( anyway, everyone got crazy and just let loose. well.. it is the last concert as members for the graduating members. =DD we'll miss you people. uhh.. what spoilt the whole thing was.. uhh.. i shall not say.. coz i'm in a sleepily good mood. haha..



uhh....

13th January 2009
very small celebration with 5 out of 6 family members. abang couldn't make it.. camp.. why is it that he can never make it for my birthdays these past years..? =(

i'd like to thank:
Tiffany; Kai; Anis; Diaz; Syafiq; Shirly; Shila; Yuzil; Farah; Haikal Samat; Xing Ting; Ansar; Hazmi; Najian; Sara; Zameer; Rizuan; Christian; Fifi; Wei Xing; Ben Toh; Liyana; Lisa; Nadiah JTC; Sophia; Elizabeth; Benjamin; Zhi Yi; Quack Yi Yang; Nazurah; Ameera; Izzati; Atikah; Fiqah; Elisse; Nazri; Myra; Syima; Natra; Jiaxuan. for their birthday wishes. =DD i like. =D
and to all those who actually SMSed me... i'm really really super duper sorry you wasted your SMS =(((((((( my phone was spoilt.. ='(

Azri gave me extra photocopied Gallimaufry conductor score as 'present'. OBVIOUSLY you forgot, kann.. still wanna look so far as to plan for next year. ask my juniors for help sumore. whatever... haha. trust me, you'll forget.

OHH YEAA BAYBEHH!! I'M LEGAL!! Lizzie asked me to screw myself and called me a bitch.. haha. yeaa.. she hates me.. coz she has a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG way to go. =DD it's ok. less than 365 days to go.. HAHA! peace.

it's ok. despite all these wishes. i just wished they were there to celebrate with me.. that's all i wanted. all 5 of them. and the 6 girlfriends. so yeaa.. it's still a rather disappointing 18th, i guess.. *sighs* everyone busy with their own things. but it's ok. i'll survive. =)

31st January 2009
AICB exchange. uhh.. no comments.. i came late. haha.
NPCB barbecue.. uhh.. came late. haha. seems i'm always late for anything. lol. was ok. wasn't as fun as i'd hope. haha. duhh. i have no clique in there, mann. peace. but uhh.. ok. Azri and Christian was uhh.. sweet, i guess.. haha. made a random comment about being hungry and not having eaten for about 12 hours, and they asked me to go and eat. i replied with a sarcastic 'noone to help fan the heat' thing. after eating, Azri asked me to go eat and Christian snatched my 'fan' from me. haha. soo uhh.. yeaa.. celebrated Christine's birthday. and uhh.. that's all i remembered. ohh. took pictures with Ruth and Chiang Chin and Ansar. probably the last time we'll see them.. =( the other clarinetists couldn't make it.. *sighs*

presentations were ok. i think. i hope i pass.. =/

8th February 2009
22nd year wedding anniversary. whole family went to Fort Road and parents cut cake. then went to Marina Barrage and just took pictures. well, mostly i did. haha. parents' anniversary, i camwhore. how awesome can i be. =D

11th January 2009
i shall not say what happened to Shila in the morning.. haha. shopping at Salvation Army with the Woodlanders(minus 1) hehe. friggin' cheap stuffs.. and funfunfun. then trip to NP. was practically flooded everywhere, larhh.. omg. ate at Makanplace. oklaa.. the food is quite expensive.. *shrugs* haha. slacked at OurSpace@72 Reading Room. someone very slenge. die die wanna use my adapter since same brand, coz his got cut.. anyway, Najian used my laptop coz hers couldn't connect to the internet. haha. whilst Shila and i tried to study. it was uhh.. fun.. =DD

14th February 2009
Vday. haha. nopes. i don't celebrate Vday. 1) i have noone to celebrate it with. no girl nor boy. haha. 2) i find it cheesy.. well, a little too cheesy. haha. it's like.. Vday's the only day you get flowers and chocolates and stuffs.. why can't you give it on any other days? haha. ok. whatever. people give chocolates and flowers, i give concert tickets.. HAHA! whatever.
uhh.. yeaa.. got a call from some stupid bitch who initially wanted to warn me to not do some stuffs, but ended up insulting me. HAHA! God knows who hired you. well, you and the person who hired you do too, but it's just a saying, ya'know.. it's ok if you don't. i understand. =D you're probably wasted. uhh.. anyway, if you're reading this, i'd like to advice you. if you wanna insult someone, make sure she doesn't fight back with sarcasm. obviously, you thought i was talking about you. gawd who would wanna talk about you? also, make sure she doesn't know what you wanted to tell her, and is nonchalant about it. you'll be embarrassed. and make sure the insulted doesn't remember what you said and double-check. i know now that you are not whom you claim to be. yes, bitch. i asked him. and yeaa.. he said he didn't have any * from * =DD and he doesn't even know my blog. well, obviously, i don't even know who to trust. but i chose him over you because.. well.. because i actually KNOW him and have met him before. ohh ohh OHH!! the best thing was.. you actually used a PRIVATE NUMBER to call me!! awesome!! how definitely cowardly and low. i wonder how much you actually inserted into the coin slot at the second call. studying on a Valentine's Day is loserish? being a loner and having nothing to do is even worse, darling. at least i'm doing SOMETHING rather than feeling sorry for myself for not having anyone to celebrate it with.. sorry, hunn.. i ain't a slut. and who's calling you MY darling?! gawd. even IF i were a homosexual, i wouldn't even consider YOU as a partner even if you were the last organism in the world. if you were me, you'd.............. thank God you're not me. and if you were me, you'd hate your life. well, not that i do.. i'm pretty contented with my life right now.. but from the way you carry yourself, you won't last 5 minutes in my shoes. trust me.

sorry, babes, for the last part. a little harsher than me, i know. haha. omg. i've always been calm and collected about these kinds of people. haha. ok. whatever.

17th February
chillout session with Najian and Shila.. initially wanted to go study together, with him. then like.. he 'shy' coz i bringing friend. then he's already stressed. and feeling uncomfortable. -.-' change plan sumore larh. sleep sumore larh.. haha.. whatever.. okok. then uhh.. lepak-ed at outside Civics for a while. talked. about stuffs.. school.. life.. friends.. old friends.. new friends.. boyssss.. hahaha. Shila can't understand the pain of the lonely ones.. mcm pna dgr je.. haha.. i had fun... sorry i always spoil chillout sessions.. =( but i had lotsa fun with you slengers. =D thanks.



omg... Najian stoppit, ehh.. he's so not effing flirting with me larh please.. that is not flirting, please.. and what's with letting go of the chances to be with him crap..? whatever, minah-on-the-line.. haha. he's not into me, and there is zero chance of us ever like.. ya'know.. haha.. he made it quite obvious.. indirectly.. and uhh.. what's with asking me to go on dates..? i can't survive being on a blind date. trust me. the whole night'll be quiet. and it'll be so boring to go on a blind date wimme. haha. =DD peace ya'll. =D

okok. finished. finally. =DD

everyone PLEASE be available... =( i'd really like all you sweets to be there.. *sighs*

paper in 2 days and 4 chapters to go. yayy me. haha.

byesie!


love,
EFJ

♥;*~♪~*;♥
4:19 am