Monday, January 12, 2009

why?

i really wonder.

was it on purpose? you working on my concert day? did you just need an excuse to not go?

you shut down when i'm talking to you and then you say i never told you.

you never came to any of my performances and you complain i'm too involved. too active. i'm always going home late. when you never really understood why.

you have always been unhappy with my choices. you would say, "up to you, larh. it's your life." and then you would be unhappy with my choices. and when i stick to it, when you disagreed, you became unhappy with me. and you tried not to support me in any way(except financially) possible. you would find ways to guilt me out of doing things. you would find ways to guilt me into listening to you. and when it doesn't work, you start another cold war.

when i saw their parents, you know what went through my mind? nothing. coz i'm too used to it. but when he told me even his parents came, i was wondering why you never made it to any of mine. why you never wanted to. you always gave the excuse that you had to work. why you can't find someone to help replace you for one night, i don't know, when i've told you more than 1 month before, and i kept repeating.

do you know how tempted i was, to cry then and there on the stage when he told me his parents were there? do you know how tempted i was to cry when i was alone backstage? did you know? do you even care? you never really did, did you? you just cared that i do the housework, cook, and as long as i don't work in the education field, you're ok with my life.

thank God for the fun i had with the members post-concert. thank God for people like them, who can just make me smile whenever wherever. thank God for my juniors who came. thank God for people who came to support. i really appreciate it. thank you very much.

i stopped thinking about it until you called and asked why i ended so late. your tone. i'm taking advantage of Dad.? when have i ever asked him for a lift? what about him? your favourite child? he's always asking Dad to fetch him from wherever he would be. why did i end so late? why didn't you ever ask him why he stayed over?

i'm not exactly in the mood to talk about the concert, pre and post. so forgive me. moreover i just got home with tons of assignments to do, and no pictures.

EFJ

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2:59 am