Thursday, August 07, 2008

hiatus

one trouble less to worry about.. Alhamdulillah.. ^.^


about a thousand and one more to ponder over.. wootz..

nola..

exaggeration gets me smiling sometimes.. ^.^


hrmm... still a few problems i have to try and solve.. and vacation'll be the best time to do that.. i have about seven weeks.. *sighs*

InsyaAllah, everything'll be fine.. =)

i'm suddenly so lost without you.. even though you're such an ass sometimes, it is you who have gotten me this far.. it is you who have brought me out from my cave.. i have been able to stand without you for a while.. but i don't know why i'm crumbling again.. i need help.. can you help? i've been trying my best.. but i guess i'm too dependent on you.. i'm so sorry for always troubling you. i'm so sorry you have to sacrifice so much for me.. and i'm so sorry i haven't done anything for you.. i don't care about that anymore(not saying that you can go back on the deal, though.. =D) but i just need you.. however, i'll try to be strong, i promise.. i'll try to stand.. i'll try to survive without you.. i'll try to be independent.. i promise.. but could you at least give me some sort of confidence?

i don't feel for band anymore.. but i guess i have to go coz *someone* went for practices coz i did.. apparently, i'm *someone*'s closest friend.. *sighs* what a responsibility. so, i have to go.. well, at least until *someone* gets used to band.. then i guess i'll quit.. i really have no idea.. if along the way, i suddenly have the feeling again, i guess i'll continue(i so sound like i'm having a 'fling' with band.. omgosh, CHEEKO!! =D)

ohh yeaa.. i've been taught the ways of a minah by the very VERY unlikely mat and minah.. =.=" and they said i have the potential, what with the environment i'm growing up in and the people i hang out with.. amaaaazing.. -.-'

hrmm... i'm starting to think about myself.. my attitude's starting up again.. i'm starting to be a bitch again.. i think i should hide away for a moment.. no friends, no bandmates, no pumpkins.. yes, darling.. i'm emo-ing.. it's not the lack of dairy products, i swear.. and please don't coax me whatsoever.. please.. just leave me for a while.. i'd really appreciate it.. yes, i'm in one of my moments again.. that type of 'moments' that makes me wonder if i really deserve this bunch of people. and yes, this post is super emo.. don't read if you can't take it..

i seriously have no idea what's happening to me nowadays..

i've been emo-ing a lot.. i've been feeling depressed a lot.. it's not the after-effect of fever, it's not the abundance of projects, it's not the exam fever and it's not the lack of dairy products(i had Hot Fudge Sundae just now, courtesy of Ansar.. thanks, dude! ^.^).. hrmm.. it could be PMS, i have no idea.. and no, Ansar, i seriously doubt it's what you told me.. and it's definitely not the Pre-Ramadhan Syndrome, if you're thinking of it.. i seriously have no idea.. and GOD, NO, i'm not pregnant..

don't hang out with me at the moment.. seriously.. i'll smile, i'll laugh, i'll talk.. i'll be high.. but it'll all be fake.. and i hate faking.. so don't be surprised if i don't talk to you, or if i just leave right after the paper..

and when it's all quiet, don't be surprised if tears suddenly well up in my eyes. i might have yawned, i might be crying.. yes, i'll be thinking about things, and i don't like it when people ask, "what's wrong?" or "are you ok?" if i'm ok, i'll say i am.. if i'm not, i'll ignore you.. i'll just give you a heads up first..

*sighs* so as the title states, i'll be on hiatus for a while.. all tags'll be replied when i'm feeling better, i guess.. but the tags've made me smile.. a lot ^.^ thanks!

i guess i'll be crying myself to sleep tonight..


i need a shoulder to cry on to
i need a listening ear
i need a cuddle
i need someone to make me smile and evaporate all my troubles
who is willing?

it's tiring.. emo-ing and crying.. *sighs*


ouhh.. i had forgotten to add:

i had loads of fun on Tuesday, dancing to the old grooves, and reminiscing the past with the band.. listening to all those nostalgic pieces i wish i could play again.. t'was fun, listening to you people.. how i miss those pieces.. *sighs* one of the juniors is my P.Sch Malay/HML teacher's son!! OMG!! :OOO

i had wanted to blog about that idiot who bloody used the band blog to trash me, but the admin's cleared it up.. so i guess i'm contented for now.. think i should tag there with a different name.. *sighs* i hate people who are brave enough to pass crude comments in public, in a ommunity blog, but are so cowardly, that they can't put their names down, or tell me who they are.. bloody idiots..

had fun on Wednesday, too.. catching up with Shila.. nopes.. didn't go to AI coz she was in heels.. -.- but she brought slippers.. -.-' Ansar tagged along, and i hope they had a fun time with each other.. they seem to have clicked, but i don't know.. maybe it's just on the surface.. i had fun, though.. laughing about Chiko and Minahs of the world.. WHOO! my Abang's a minah -.-' ohh yeaa.. and i have the potential to be a minah.. so they taught me the ways of a minah(uber thick make-up, uber tight clothings, uber vulgar language, uber loads of piercings, etc.) and they're like.. targetting me.. coz it seems like everyone's belanja-ing me.. heyy.. i can't help it, if i sound pitiful.. haha.. =D i had fun..

i had tons of fun this whole week.. presentation was ok, i guess.. Winnie didn't trash us like i'd thought.. hrmm... ohh wells..


i'm still emo-ing, though.. but thanks, guys, for brightening my day.. really appreciate it.. ^.^


love,
EFJ

♥;*~♪~*;♥
1:05 am